Love in Five Parts – Part III – For All the Men I’ve Loved Before

Are you ready for this? This is like the most intimate 20 minutes I have ever spent in my life. No joke. Sit and relax and read about the men I have loved, how they have influenced me, and where I’m headed. Ready? Here we go…

True love has found me three times in my life. No, I haven’t only enjoyed three relationships. I’m talking the real thing. That thing folks hope for – true love. My first true love I met when I was fifteen. He was so incredible that I dumped my boyfriend just because he was brazen enough to bow up at him in public. Through ups, downs, breakups and reconciliations we married, divorced, married and divorced. Walking through fire wasn’t enough to keep me away from him, but the threat of becoming a Molotov cocktail was enough to make me realize there was more to life than fear.

The second great love of my life taught me about romance and how real men treat real women. He held me when I broke down, made love to my mind, body and soul, challenged me to always be the better person, and to love with my whole heart. He taught me how to see myself the way he saw me and understand that a loving touch in just the right place lights me up like a fire cracker (minds out of the gutter people – my “g” spot is in the small of my back).

I’m still reeling from the pain of losing the love that lowered my guard and produced the most amazing little girl EVER. I can still remember the first day he knocked on my door and how he looked in his butter yellow cotton shirt and faded blue jeans. Or how we used to kiss for what seemed like hours finally forcing ourselves apart so we could go to work. The look on his face when I walked down the aisle, when he held his little girl for the first time, when I surprised him for his 40th - there’s nothing like those unforgettable loving moments.

All of these men have taught me so much about myself. In fact, I think first and foremost, they’ve taught me who I am but they have also shown me what I want. I can’t imagine ever opening my heart to another, other than my daughter and family, for a long time. When and if I do that’s it; no more doormat. And boy is this guy going to have to be something special. He’s going to have to be a real man, someone who can hold his own in life and with me. A man who knows where to touch me, how to kiss me, how to appreciate making a wrong turn or wrong decision and learning from it, a reader to my writer, a cook, a partner, who loves to laugh and doesn’t pick or criticize, who feels secure in himself and safe with me. He will have his own interests and will want to include me, and will in turn accept and be interested in mine. God, let there be a man with one green eye and one blue who smells of chocolate chip cookies and whose favorite shape is a silver, five-pointed star. God, let there be that family man.

Join the conversation. What loves have influenced your life? Are there particular qualities in your man, woman, or the partner of your dreams that you cannot live without?

Trying desperately to get back into the groove, I am still Unstoppable and still end in Start!

ABCs for New Writers – “D” is for Determine, Devise, Design

As a new writer there is nothing more important than getting started. Believe me, if you do nothing else today - get going. Two years ago when I left my career to be a full-time mom and writer I had to get started right away. So, I took a class at Emory and thought, Wow! Now I’ve got it! I’m ready! What was I ready for? Ha! I thought after that one class that I was ready to take the publishing world by storm. What I was really prepared for was…wait for it…getting started.

Let’s stop here at the first “D” word for today – Determine. Before I could take even the tiniest step into my journey as a writer I had to determine that writing was what I really, with all of my heart and soul, wanted to do. Yes, you really have to decide if this is it otherwise you’re going to go through the birthing process only to find you aren’t Dickens, Tolkien, or Ephron, face the rejection of a lifetime and quit or self publish and fail miserably. Did I just burst your bubble? Good! Somebody needed to. Writing is for everyone but becoming a published author takes guts, gumption, fearlessness, commitment. It is not easy nor is it without pain. Still want to proceed? I had a feeling you might. Let’s move on to our second “D” word for today – Devise.

So I put on my project management hat and had, in order to be successful, to devise a plan. My plan for 2011 is called: My Writing and Career Goals. It consists of weekly and monthly goals for this blog, my website, WIPs, the blog I am launching with critique partners Pam Asberry and Pamela Mason, working on my career plan and goals for 2012, and last but certainly not least a job I can actually bill hours for. Take something as simple as this blog (you only think it’s an information dump) - I have an editorial calendar mapped out through the end of the year with topics to write about three times each week, and so it goes for every one of my goals. But making a plan is only part of it because in all of this you must live. Which leads us to our final “D” word – Design.

No, I’m not talking about designing a platform, a website, or even a plot. I’m talking about designing your life. If you were sitting here at my desk right now looking up at My Writing and Career Goals you might find it easy to fold under the pressure. I often do. Some days I sit here paralyzed wishing that I didn’t put so much into achieving my dreams. Some days being immobile is the best thing for me. Some days I have to, as my friend Pam calls it, refill the well. But that’s the thing about designing your life. You must recharge your batteries every single day. You must eat, sleep, play and work. Not just WORK. Yes, work is a four letter word. W.O.R.K. See. Anyway, design time to not only grow yourself and your career, but to live. Go to the gym, take a walk, go to the nearest bouncy play place with your kids and jump like you're a five year old, read, journal, cook, paint – do what makes you happy. And when the responsibilities wear you down, well, forgiveness is another topic for another day (a couple of weeks from now) but be ready to love yourself for letting go of what you can. Do what’s important; forget and forgive the rest.

It’s officially time for you to join the conversation. I want to hear from someone who has been stalking this blog. I dare you to come out of the shadows and tell us about your plans as a new writer or even as a human. You could even win a t-shirt. All of today’s commentators will be entered to win the Unstoppable t-shirt.

Until Wisdom Wednesday, I remain Unstoppable.