Truth or Fiction - A Question

You cannot give your life more days, but you can give your days more life.

- Unknown

It's time to wax philosophic. True or false - how do you feel about the quote? Can you or can't you give your life more days? Can you or can't you give your days more life?

I believe you can do both. Only me. Not speaking for anyone else here.

Some might take the stance that our Maker knows how many days we have from the get go. I believe that, but I also believe we, as non-makers, have the ability to mess it all up by eating unhealthy food, playing video games instead of taking walks, in general not taking care of ourselves. So, yes, I think you can give your life more days.

And, well, you already know how I feel about giving your days more life. It's a given. Unless you cannot pull yourself out of the doldrums of hell, life is riddled with disease, addiction, pain - nope, not even that line works for me. I've seen people who could be hopeless be huge contributors to their own wonderful, empowered lives. You can add more life to your days no matter what. Period. And, if you're having trouble, ask for help. Friends, family, professionals are all here to help so you can live free and happy.

The short but sweet beginning to an argument of sorts. What do you think?

Hoping you'll join the conversation, I remain Unstoppable.

ABCs for New Writers – “E” is for Expectations

Boy howdy, do we know how to have expectations! We expect to be able to stay on top of everything all the time, our kids to do well at school and in activities, our raises or bonuses to come through, and when we say our prayers, now think about it, we ask for what we expect. I’m going to ask you an honest question, and I want an honest answer…how many of you pray (or meditate) only for your Higher Power’s will and acceptance of that will? I certainly haven’t always prayed for what my Higher Power believed was best, I selfishly asked for what I wanted on my schedule. I had…expectations.

Now, I don’t want to get up on my soapbox today, instead I want to talk about our expectations as writers. You probably already know where this is going, but I could throw you for a loop. I often fool myself when I am writing so please keep reading and let’s see where this goes.

As a writer, I (personally) expect to:
Accomplish my goals, no matter how crazy and time-crunched they may be;
Publish this year;
Not get frustrated, overwhelmed, side-tracked (fill in the blank);
Learn something new about craft every day;
Never get my feelings hurt over a critique or a bad review.

You name it folks and every single time I (I can only speak for myself) expect perfection. The thing of it is we’re not perfect. We’re human; flawed in every sense of the word. But, as writers, especially newbie writers, that can be a welcome and wonderful part of our journey.

Take that list of bullet points up there, insert yourself, then see failing at every single one - you can’t meet your word count on a daily basis; can’t get published; got frustrated, overwhelmed or side-tracked for no real good reason; didn’t learn a single new thing; and you took your last critique so personally you folded into a blubbering lump on the floor. Can you see it? Feel it?

I know it hurts, but don’t give up on me yet…

“In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel "burnout" setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective.” – Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama is a wise man. Don’t have impossible expectations. In fact, try not to have any at all. Instead, remain flexible. Give yourself permission to withdraw and restore when necessary.

Now, imagine loosening your belt a bit (aka lowering your expectations). Your writing goals aren’t as stringent so you’ve been able to accomplish them for the most part; a publisher has requested a full on spec; you had no real reason to feel frustrated, overwhelmed or side-tracked because you accepted each of these emotions as they arose; you learned a tiny little snippet of something new (without voraciously consuming the latest book on craft) almost every day; and your last critique offered up some really good advice from an author you admire. Now how do you feel? Things could still work out for you, right? Do you feel defeated or driven to work a little smarter, maybe change your perceptions?

If you want to find success as a writer or as a human you can’t put so much pressure on yourself. If you do the certainty is that you will fail. But if you relax, stop asking for what you want on your schedule, do the work and let things happen, then no matter how you look at it, you will have succeeded.

Do you have high expectations of yourself? I’ve just added to mine by joining the Round of Words in 80 Days Challenge (ROW80). My tiny goal for the next 80 days is to work on my current WIP for 30 minutes a day and to work on plotting the next WIP for 15 minutes each day. Will you join the challenge?

Until Wisdom Wednesday I remain flexible, open to my Higher Power’s will and Unstoppable.

Wisdom Wednesday - Get Derailed, But Only For A Minute

There’s nothing like the pain and frustration that accompany getting derailed in life. Whether you are following your dream of becoming a writer, pursuing a new career path, or finding comfort in staying home to raise a child, when “life happens” and your speeding locomotive jumps the track, what do you do?

As someone who has experienced this phenomenon this week, I must say I’ve been given some of the best advice. One dear friend told me, “Wallow. Take the time you need to wallow today, but tomorrow, get your butt back to work, dig your toes in and be stubborn about it.”

So I did. But, instead of wallowing alone I invited friends to join me. I had lunch with a handful of wonderful people including a man I recently completed book edits for, followed by a visit from two besties. Once the visits were over and I had found some peace, I got some sleep. This morning brought a visit by my two critique partners, Pam Asberry and Pamela Mason, and some sense of digging my toes in. And this afternoon the fog cleared from my brain and I moved on a bit, my bitterness quelled by a nice dinner out with an old friend.

I guess the point is it doesn’t matter what comes out of life’s tunnels to throw you off track, take a break if you need to but get back on track as quickly as you can. Hold onto the dreams you have built for yourself. Don’t give in completely to the derailment. In the end you have only yourself to be accountable to. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to have to face disappointing myself.

Mary Tyler Moore once said, “You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” So, take firm grasp of the bull in the middle of your life’s track, wrestle with it, and then move it out of your way. You have much more important things to focus on.

Until tomorrow’s Truth or Fiction, I remain Unstoppable.

Wisdom Wednesday - Is Self-Defeat Defeating You?

Some days I can’t turn my face away from the ground. Life’s drama – too much work, too little time, too many “mommy, mommy, MOMMYs!” and nary enough hands or brains – oftentimes has me so afraid of “what ifs” that I can’t comprehend how to even pick up and do thing number one. How frustrating it is to wake up and know immediately that the few blessed hours you get in a day have already been eaten up with time commitments. It’s debilitating.

Self-defeat can be the first obstacle some of us have to overcome each day. Don’t think you fall into this category? I didn’t either until a memo citing some traits of self-defeating behavior crossed my desk. In shock, I, the self-sufficient learner-by-osmosis read the statement, “I don’t need help, I’ll figure it out myself.” Now wait a minute! That sounded just like me. But how is that self-defeating behavior?

At that moment I realized that not asking for help to learn or accomplish what I need to grow and thrive in life holds me back. Look at the wealth of knowledge I can access just by messaging someone on Facebook or Twitter – moms, writers, family, sitters, and business people like myself – all right there for the asking.

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. – Helen Keller

In the face of unbelievable adversity, Helen Keller became the first deaf blind person to graduate from college. If she can experience such amazing achievement in her life, then what in the world could I have to worry about? It’s all relative. We all have our own personal hardships.

When I get out of sorts with misfortunes and the “to dos” of the day, I put on my project management cap and make a list. Though these lists are pretty darn long, at least the things that need accomplishing are on paper. It’s a start and something I have to do before I even know what I need help with.

Next, I prioritize. The key to getting things done in my life is knowing what to let go of. This all too critical stage of time structuring allows me the chance to take what I consider an emergency and imagine it being stricken with a sharp steel axe, chopped right out of my day. Okay, the visual is a little violent, but it works for me. The beautiful thing about the axe is that each day I must face a plethora of responsibilities: my day job, cleaning, laundry, cooking, WIP revisions, whatever “bad thing” must happen (this morning it was a coffee pot spewing coffee onto the counter vs. in the pot), and spending quality time with my little girl. The picture just became clearer to you, didn’t it? It’s impossible for me to imagine the dreaded axe chopping my daughter out of my day. To me, the image is grotesque, and like the reality, I could never allow it to happen.

Finally, I make the necessary cuts and ask for help where I need it. When faced with lengthy projects at work, a blog to write, and family in town yesterday I chopped out vacuuming the floors and running errands, and asked my mom to help by making dinner, so I could spend time with my little girl laughing, playing, and watching a movie. Not only did we get to bond, she got my full attention and lots of love and kisses and I got to see life through her eyes – much less serious and without drop-deadlines.

There may not have been a lot of sun in Atlanta today, but the sky was bright enough and we kept our heads up so the shadows remained out of sight. It made for another Unstoppable day.

Join the conversation. What are some difficulties you’ve faced lately? How do you prioritize? What are you willing to cut out of your day to make time for what’s important? What gives you strength and inspiration in the face of adversity? Do you ask for help when you need it?

I look forward to seeing you here tomorrow for Truth or Fiction Thursday. Until then, I remain Unstoppable.

Truth or Fiction - The End of the Story

You'll never believe it but the story of Sarah and Erica is true, true, true (names changed, of course, to protect identities). Wondering how it ended up?

Sarah couldn't believe that the well-marked receptacle in front of her wasn't her beloved herbie-curbie.

"Its okay honey," Erica told her, chuckling under her breath. "Just clean it up and take it back to it's owner."

"But Erica, its permanent marker!" Sarah growled.

"No problem," she smiled. "We have a fresh can of Goo-B-Gone in the garage."

"Whew!" Sarah relaxed for a moment, happy to know she could erase the hand-written address from the can. Then she recoiled, fear striking her like the lightning-fast firing of synapses erasing her memory. Eyes wide, she looked at Erica and said, "I forgot where I took it from."

That's the true story. To this day, the clean trash can still resides at Sarah and Erica's house waiting to be returned to its owner. Sarah drives up and down each of the surrounding streets at least once each day hoping to jog her memory, and Erica, well, Erica is still laughing.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Until Monday, I remain Unstoppable

Truth or Fiction Thursday - Hey! That's Mine!

It's the inaugural installment of Truth or Fiction Thursday, so let's get right to it, shall we...

She was an immovable presence in her neighborhood, a woman not to be challenged. Sara gave her time and energy to her neighborhood association, PTA, and the one charity she held dear, H.E.R.O. for Children. But one day, someone did challenge Sara.

She arrived home at dusk one February evening to find her garbage sitting in white kitchen bags on the curb. That's odd, she thought pulling into the driveway of her West Atlanta home. I put herbie-curbie out this morning.

She stomped inside, upset over her missing $80 garbage can and asked her partner Erica what she did with it.

"I didn’t do anything but put it on the curb full of trash," Erica snapped back, still upset because she was the one who had to take out the garbage that morning. "Why don't you go ask the neighbors?"

Out the back door, Sara marched directly to the next door neighbors, the bee in her bonnet buzzing with fury. "Do you guys know what happened to my fifteen year old, very expensive trash can?" she demanded.

Every neighbor, three in each direction, responded, "No." Finally crossing the street, Sara discovered a witness. "Sure," her neighbor Tom sounded righteous. "I saw someone come through here earlier, empty the trash and pull it away like it was theirs."

With that, the bee stung Sara. She headed right off Tom's porch and paraded up and down the surrounding streets until she found her beloved trash can sitting by the garage of a neighbor's house two blocks over. She walked straight up to the house, emptied the dirty white bags from her can and wrapping her fist around the handle of herbie-curbie she began to walk away. But, the temptation to say something was too great. Sara stood in front of one of the large picture windows on the front of the Brady Bunch contemporary brick home challenging the owner to, "come out and take this trash can from me again!"

When no one accepted her challenge, Sara calmed down and started her walk home. She was proud of herself for locating her precious disposal bin and happy she took the steps to get it back. When she arrived home she wrote her street number in permanent marker on every side of the container, put her trash back inside, and left herbie-curbie on the curb for pickup the next day.

Early the next morning, with coffee in hand, Sara pleaded with Erica to come out and look at her prize. Upon seeing the familiar trash receptacle on the curb, Erica took a sip of coffee and laughing choked out, "Sweetie, that one isn't ours."

Become part of the discussion - Is this a true story, or is it fiction? C'mon, don't you want to know how it ends? Aren't you a little curious? Leave a comment before midnight (EST) March 4, 2011 and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win the Unstoppable Mouse pad. And, you'll get to hear the truth.

Until then, I remain the Unstoppable Ms. Start

Powerful Friendship

Recently, I've discovered a lot of new things about myself. I don't really know if it's because I'm breeching that BIG 4-0 in the next couple of years (as we all know wisdom comes with age, at least for some); or if my life has taken on new meaning; or, maybe I have finally reached a point so close to blissful perfection (for this minute) that I can stand back and look at myself. But what I have seen is nothing short of outstanding.

Listen, I've spent years putting aside my needs and desires to make sure everyone else in my life had what they needed. It's only fair that, at the ripe old age of 38, I can change that and take care of myself and even give myself a little credit. Life's hard enough without putting off today what you can do tomorrow. Right?

So, I started writing again. Proudly, I just finished my second novel, Releasing Saint Angel. For me that means the draft was finished a month ago, the first revision is complete, the prologue and the epilogue are written to my satisfaction and my critique partners and close friends/editors have it in hand to read and give me a thumbs up or down. Either way: it's done. I've finished what I started. My first toot your own horn discovery about my new and improved self.

Believe it or not, I was once a very lonely, isolated person. My only friends were those that I worked with, so whenever I changed jobs, I got to leave those friends behind (for the most part) and start anew. Guess what? I really enjoy having friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, furry friends - it doesn't matter the make or the model, it’s just really nice to have someone to call when you are ironing and watching the toddler play naked in the backyard with the neighbor's dog and the water hose. You know? To the old friends that I decided were keepers, I've added a host of new friends. Friends that I met in places I love like the Georgia Romance Writers meeting I attend each month. This month I met two wonderful new writers/girlfriends and we formed an instant critique group. I'm honored to have them in my life. You know who you are. Pam and Pam! So, my second toot your own horn discovery about my new self is Wow! It’s really cool to have friends and feel like you are part of something.

My final lesson about my new and improved self, and one that warrants the loudest toot is that staying grounded while doing what you love gives you the inspiration, heart and soul to keep going, letting go of fears that might hold you back, to produce your very best work. Not the work of writing, but the work of life. Karen White spoke at our Georgia Romance Writers meeting last Saturday and told just such a story. It was a powerful lesson in humility for anyone, not just writers. One minute you are up, with the next rejection letter you are down, but in between is the stuff that really matters: like the toddler playing naked in the backyard with the neighbor's dog and the garden hose.

Until next time, dear friends, I remain Unstoppable.