It feels like a good day to share a little bit of myself with you. I've been struggling lately to find my ground, somewhere for my feet and my soul to reside during a time of life that is "upside down." In searching for this ground I am forced to remember my whole life, a life that hasn't always been peaches and cream, a life that sometimes has been very black and disillusioned. Why? Because I failed to have hope.
That reigned true for me watching Becky Blanton's video on TED. If you have a little over seven minutes, I hope you will take a minute to watch it to. Our stories are very similar though mine didn't begin with a camping trip.
Becky is a journalist and after losing her father decided to embark on a "camping" trip to find out who she was. But, at the onset, she lost her freelance job and fell into a deep depression. She felt homeless. It took another's wisdom to point out that she was wrong.
I lived much the same way for a period of six months or so back in my early 20s. Struggling to grow out of my first divorce I finally found a job in advertising and hoped to launch into marketing stardom. Instead, I my roommate found a boyfriend and kicked me out, I didn't make enough money to live anywhere but a crack hotel on Jimmy Carter, and I was back to eating mac & cheese and potatoes like a college kid. So, I lived at truck stops, bathed in public restrooms, and for the most part was a vagabond, but darn it, I had my career.
I finally realized after months of this torture that I wanted more. I wanted a home, a family, a job that at least paid the bills, security - so I chucked my idea of being an advertising whiz kid and moved back home to Macon where I lived with my parents.
Now, when I started this post I was telling you that I am in need of finding my ground, so here's the hook - I'm here again! History has repeated it's fickle self. Though this time I have a card up my sleeve that will certainly trick the deck. I. Have. Hope. Those are some powerful words.
So, as I fight to hold onto who I am as a person and a writer, struggle to start a new business, face my failing marriage, raise a happy, well-adjusted three year old, I open my heart and soul to you in the hopes that I can maintain that hope. I want to rise like a phoenix above this mess and emerge a rainbow-hued beauty floating gracefully overhead, at peace. Hold me accountable, will ya?
Feel free to join the conversation. Why do you think history repeats itself? Have you ever lived out of your car? Are you another phoenix rising from the ashes?
Until tomorrow, I hope to remain Unstoppable.
What a powerful post here Lindy. It is amazing what we can do when we set our minds to it.
ReplyDeleteThe phoenix birthed from the ashes soars high above the flames that destroyed its old self.
"Those who fail to study history are doomed to repeat its mistakes." Why does it repeat itself? Because we fail to shed old habits, fears, ways of thinking? Because we're too lazy to examine the reasons and origins of those old mistakes, and fall back on others' philosophies and prejudices?
I don't know. Only the Creator knows.
It's just important to be aware, to self examine, and to keep asking the question.
Thank you for your comments, Pamela. You're right, anything is possible with hope and faith if only first we find them. - Lindy
ReplyDeletePamela is right, but this is where HOPE gets us in trouble. We do the same thing the same way we have done it in the past and HOPE that the outcome will be different. It never is!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Lindy. I have never been homeless, but I share many of the struggles you face today. There have been plenty of times I have been tempted to throw in the towel, but somehow I have always managed to find to find a thread of hope, however thin and tenuous, and grab onto it. Like you, I am learning to let go of my old ways of thinking and look for ways to find new ways of thinking and being that will get me where I want to be, far away from where I have been. "Clearing the cobwebs," so to speak. :-) Most important, remember you are NOT ALONE. Lean on your friends and family; ask for help when you need it. We love you!
ReplyDeleteAh Bryan. Thanks for your comment, but I will forge an argument here, not with you of course, but just on principle. The definition of "insanity" is doing the sames things over and over again expecting a different result. Hope is a much different animal. Hope gives us footing to stand against the insanity, to break free from its bonds. Without hope, well, we stand without faith in ourselves, without a belief in the better, greater good. While I make this history, I will let hope be my flame. - Lindy
ReplyDelete@Pam, thank you for making me feel less alone. The joy and support of good friends is a blessed part of this journey. Some day we'll toast to our cobwebs with champaign and a feel better snack. - Lindy
ReplyDeleteRight there with Pam! Like cobwebs the threads of hope may appear thin and tenuous but those threads are made of some of the strongest and most ductile material in the universe. Let me know of any way we may be able to help you Cousin. Love you Lindy!
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