Love in Five Parts – Part V – All You Need Is…

In a lot of ways it seems like something as broad-reaching and all encompassing as love should take more than five quick blog posts to explore. I suppose in reality it does. But, for all intents and purposes, over the last few weeks, we have covered what we need to.

My parting thought (process) for you is this…I am who I am because of the influence of everyone in my life including you. I know this. I want you to know this too. And the person you’ve guided me to become is a person who will hug a complete stranger and tell him or her, “I love you.” Know why? Because, I do. I’ll tell the boy who broke my heart when I was fifteen (you know who you are), my wasbands, former lovers, my daughter, my parents, family, those I see only rarely, neighbors, friends, anyone who’s willing to accept the gift, the blessing, of “I love you.”

Because all that I know of love is right here. Press play!


 
An aside: This is my all-time-favorite wedding scene from any movie, EVER! If you haven't seen Love Actually stop what you are doing, drive to your nearest video store, get online, whatever you must do, and BUY THIS MOVIE. I promise you won't regret it. Now, back to our blog...
 

You and the love you have shared with me, whoever you are, have given me what I need to find, feel, and express love at its core. I don’t need or ask for anything in return. The joy comes in the experience. So, thanks.

Until next week I remain an Unstoppable love.

ABCs for New Writers - "L" is for Love Your Process

For some of us our relationship with our creativity is of the love/hate persuasion. I for one often have bursts of creative flow and other times my river runs dry. It’s not writer’s block per se; that’s a whole different animal. This is that sinking feeling like you can’t lift your hefty rear off the couch to create anything, not even a quiche, that would appeal to an audience; least of all your very best friend. The feeling is horrible and leaves your wheels spinning. Idea after idea comes into your brain and just as quickly as they pop in, they poop out.

My Love Letter to My Process,
"Sweetheart, thinking of you keeps me up at night!"

Yes friends, creativity can be a fickle lover. But I have found that if you have a process, a method to your creative madness, you can accomplish more by loving it.

Just like a sprouting tomato plant in early spring, if you nurture it, tomatoes will come. Same with your process, if you care for it, play it music, weed the weaker ideas out of your fertile creative field, nourish it with encouragement, entertainment, and education (sounds like another post); your little creativity seedling will grow into a creative process that by enjoyment, not habit, will yield fists full of well written pages.

My process changes from project to project. I wear many hats in my life and my career, so defining a beginning and end point, like the trained project manager I am, is how I get started. Defining a start and finish, as I said, differs by project. Since we are talking in this context about writing, let’s take a work of romantic women’s fiction. This is on the outset a work of eighty to one-hundred thousand words. Aside from drawing character sketches, and plotting, and research I know that I can work and hour to an hour and a half a day and will typically average 1,500 words in that timeframe. My starting point is doing the math – using today as my start date I figure how many days it will take to write the minimum, in this case 53.3 days, and I draw a darling caricature on my calendar on the block for August 8th that depicts me doing the happy dance. Then, I get to work.

After defining a project frame, which gives me a goal, a deadline I am driven to meet, I write the first scene. I write longhand at first just to get the initial idea on paper and the juices flowing. Once I get a feel for where I’m heading with the story, and who the characters may be, I do the leg work – definition, research, plotting. I schedule interviews with SMEs (Subject Matter Experts) who can help me with the things I know nothing about like the differences in being a circuit court judge in 1950 versus present day. All the while I write.

As a new writer, have you developed your process yet? Have you tried two or three different ideas but nothing seems to fit? Let me know and maybe I can turn you onto trying something new.

Until next time, I remain Unstoppable.

Love in Five Parts - Part IV - Loving, Healthy Kids

All we need is a little...

Love is an emotion that is difficult to share if for no other reason than because it lays bare the sacredness of one’s own heart. But I’ve found the more I talk about love, give love, and invite love the more love I receive. I’m not afraid to face the reflection in the mirror because I have been open with my heart. Have I always made the right decisions? Oh h-e-double hockey sticks no! But, I can go to my grave knowing I stayed true to my heart.

When I look at my young daughter I often think how sad it would be if she never felt love, but it’s not fair of me to force it upon her, so I sit back and wait for the invitation to love her on her terms. Sounds sort of counterintuitive, but even a three year old deserves respect, space and individuality. Who am I to take that from her? But she also deserves love – healthy, hopeful, joyful love.

My sure fire sign that loving, supportive roles are at play is when she sits in my office chair and says, “I am the mommy and you are the little girl.” I laugh and say, “Okay Mommy, what are we up to today?” “Honey, I’m working on my book right now,” she says pointing at the screen. It goes on like this for a while and then I say, “Okay, it’s my turn. Let’s take a break and snuggle for a while.” Agreeing, she bounds into the living room and hops onto the couch and starts ticking off her favorite movies and asks with a very sweet “please” (usually) for me to put one in. Then we curl up on our pillows and watch for a while as her favorite heroes and heroines save the day and fall in love. I always rib her about the heroine kissing the hero and she laughs. It’s not the same laugh as comes with a Scooby Doo fart scene, but hey, not everything warrants uproarious laughter.

When I question my decision about staying home with her even when we face losing everything I don’t regret my choice. Through the ups and downs of radical marital change she has emerged a well-adjusted little girl with healthy emotions and views on love. I believe that is because I refuse to hide my emotions from her and because I respect her needs like that of space, or snuggling. In the end that’s what all this is about anyway – taking what we know and passing it on in a good way, right?

I’m turning it over to you. Do you see how your love lessons have affected your children or your reflection? Do you struggle to overcome the past to build a healthier, happier future?

Today’s shameless marketing - Join me and Pam Asberry tomorrow at WritersLi.P.P. You might be in for a surprise. Until then, I remain the Unstoppable Ms. Start.

ABCs for New Writers – K is for Knowledge is Key

Today’s blog topic/title probably sounds a bit cliché, but it’s true. I’ve found in life, business, love and writing the more you know the more prepared you are for contingencies. The term “contingencies” makes life, love and writing sound sterile, doesn’t it? I’m just practical gal that way.

Here’s an extreme example: You buckle yourself into a narrow seat on a McDonnell Douglas MD-88. You have very little leg room just like everyone else, and the same pocket in front of you with Sky Mall Magazine and flight safety placard. Do you choose to ignore the flight attendants as they explain where to find the necessary equipment to save your life and someone else’s and use the safety leaflet as a bookmark instead of memorizing it as you taxi down the tarmac – or – do you take a few minutes to verse yourself on floatation devices, exits, and overall air traveler’s rights so you are prepared in case of an emergency? I don’t know about you, but I am annoyed at the number of people these days that take that small effort for granted. And it peeves me to no end to know that I am taking the all important extra step to save them by increasing my knowledge about safety precautions when I would just as soon let them suffer their chosen fate due to laziness.

The same goes for writing. If you don’t take the time, spend the money, make the effort to improve your knowledge of the craft, publishing, even 21st century language then you are going to choose your fate as well. It’s not easy. Life is a time suck. We’ve all been there. But it behooves you to set aside 20 minutes each day to catch up with Publisher’s weekly and read an excerpt the host of books available to writers in this business. It is also worth the investment to join your local  - Georgia Romance Writers - and national - Romance Writers of America - writer’s associations and spend two or three hours a month with others in your field.

If you don’t go that extra mile to educate yourself you can die an unfortunate death in this business due to lack of knowledge if nothing else. What’s it worth to you?

Until tomorrow, I remain the Unstoppable and ever learning Ms. Start.

A teensy-weensy little bit of shameless marketing - Pam Asberry and I launched http://www.writerslipp.com/ on Monday. It's a blog for writers, non-writers, women, men, lovers, and fighters about life and love in penned perspective. Stop by this week and meet us. Leave a comment and follow us for a chance to win some cool prizes!

Love in Five Parts – Part III – For All the Men I’ve Loved Before

Are you ready for this? This is like the most intimate 20 minutes I have ever spent in my life. No joke. Sit and relax and read about the men I have loved, how they have influenced me, and where I’m headed. Ready? Here we go…

True love has found me three times in my life. No, I haven’t only enjoyed three relationships. I’m talking the real thing. That thing folks hope for – true love. My first true love I met when I was fifteen. He was so incredible that I dumped my boyfriend just because he was brazen enough to bow up at him in public. Through ups, downs, breakups and reconciliations we married, divorced, married and divorced. Walking through fire wasn’t enough to keep me away from him, but the threat of becoming a Molotov cocktail was enough to make me realize there was more to life than fear.

The second great love of my life taught me about romance and how real men treat real women. He held me when I broke down, made love to my mind, body and soul, challenged me to always be the better person, and to love with my whole heart. He taught me how to see myself the way he saw me and understand that a loving touch in just the right place lights me up like a fire cracker (minds out of the gutter people – my “g” spot is in the small of my back).

I’m still reeling from the pain of losing the love that lowered my guard and produced the most amazing little girl EVER. I can still remember the first day he knocked on my door and how he looked in his butter yellow cotton shirt and faded blue jeans. Or how we used to kiss for what seemed like hours finally forcing ourselves apart so we could go to work. The look on his face when I walked down the aisle, when he held his little girl for the first time, when I surprised him for his 40th - there’s nothing like those unforgettable loving moments.

All of these men have taught me so much about myself. In fact, I think first and foremost, they’ve taught me who I am but they have also shown me what I want. I can’t imagine ever opening my heart to another, other than my daughter and family, for a long time. When and if I do that’s it; no more doormat. And boy is this guy going to have to be something special. He’s going to have to be a real man, someone who can hold his own in life and with me. A man who knows where to touch me, how to kiss me, how to appreciate making a wrong turn or wrong decision and learning from it, a reader to my writer, a cook, a partner, who loves to laugh and doesn’t pick or criticize, who feels secure in himself and safe with me. He will have his own interests and will want to include me, and will in turn accept and be interested in mine. God, let there be a man with one green eye and one blue who smells of chocolate chip cookies and whose favorite shape is a silver, five-pointed star. God, let there be that family man.

Join the conversation. What loves have influenced your life? Are there particular qualities in your man, woman, or the partner of your dreams that you cannot live without?

Trying desperately to get back into the groove, I am still Unstoppable and still end in Start!

The Truth is You Can HELP

There’s not been an Easter as far back as I can recall (and that’s pretty far back) that hasn’t offered frightening, horrible weather like we experienced in Alabama and Georgia last night. My heart goes out to all the people who lost members or their family, their friends, and their homes. It will be a long time before life returns to normal for many of our neighbors.

Instead of writing fiction today, I’m going to tell you a whole lot of truth in very few words – these people need your help.

After spending part of my career working for nonprofit organizations that assist people in need, I know firsthand how important it is to step up to the plate in times like these.

So, here’s one little thing you can do: Donate

Visit the American Red Cross website or text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to give $10.

The governor of Alabama has also set up a relief fund:
Governor's Tornado Relief Fund
Neighbor Helping Neighbor Inc.
The Tuscaloosa News
P.O. Box 20187
Tuscaloosa, Ala., 35402-0187

To assist victims residing in Northwest Georgia: American Red Cross of Northwest Georgia

Click and donate - Five, ten, twenty dollars - whatever you can manage.

If you find other ways to donate or ways to volunteer, please post them here, on Facebook, Twitter. Get the word out so we can help our neighbors in need.

Until Monday, I remain saddened by all of this devastation and willing to help.

Be Your Own Valentine!

Last night I sat alone in my living room bored to tears by commercials, missing the three-year-old love of my life that is on vacation with her dad, wishing that a heart-shaped box of chocolates would magically appear on my doorstep. How silly is that? After realizing I was throwing myself yet another pity party, I made a command decision: I rented Eat Pray Love and poured myself a glass of wine. For the next two hours I blubbered like a fool over how closely my life resembles fiction (or in this case, semi-non).

Here I am in the throes of reinvention, terrified about what is going to happen next, just starting to gain that unique perspective that: I am a strong woman, the Universe has determined my path, now all I need is to pay attention and do the work. I get it! I'm listening! I'm doing the work. My dream of being an author is being realized. My project calendar proves that. I can revise a novel in a week (without a three-year-old in tow). I can write a novel in a month. I can learn new things, accomplish goals, and add all of them to my resume. I can make money, live healthy, move forward and be happy, or I can just survive.

The heart-shaped box of chocolates isn't going to magically appear at my door, I don't need them to because I no longer want to be a survivor. I want the spice, the seasoning, the varied colors and textures of my favorite chocolates. I know what I want. When I'm craving good chocolate, I know where to find it. I can find it 365 days of the year. It doesn't have to come wrapped with a bow, though I might do that as a treat just for me. It's all my choice. I own it.

Now, don't get me wrong, one very important lesson learned from last night's "boo hoo fest" is that sometimes you need the imbalance of love to balance life, but that isn't where I am. I'm at the second act. I know what I'm missing, I'm out to discover it, and once I do maybe the Universe will see fit to throw me for a love loop AGAIN. For now I am content to get to know myself and what I am capable of. That's the sweet realization I need on this Valentine's Day. What about you?

Be you married, single, in limbo, in love, in pain, or otherwise, I hope on this Valentine's Day you will charge out your door, head straight to your nearest chocolatier and surprise yourself with the treat YOU desire, and deserve, most.

Until next time, I remain,
The Unstoppable Ms. Start

Your Whole Life Changes So Pay Attention

Sitting here on my balance ball in front of my desktop, I've vowed to myself to: be a better mom, a more loving wife, a good friend, a weekly blogger. It's Monday, so making a new start sounds like a good plan. Why wait for the New Year?

Life changes each day for this busy mom and wife. Saying prayers with my three year old before bed, I realize the improvements, mainly friendships that mean so much to us. The days when I would sit at a Georgia Romance Writers meeting at a table alone are long gone. Those moments at the playground pushing my little girl in the swing wishing for another mom to come along and strike up a conversation are far in the past. Now, along with the loving support of my family and cherished friends, I have critique partners who share in my agony over transitioning present tense to past, and moms and dads who text to say, "We'll see you at he playground at 3:30!" I look forward to dinners with new friends, and coffee with old, and most especially alone with my husband, or on a blanket in the middle of the living room with my daughter. To think I could have missed all of this.

So friends, as Thanksgiving quickly approaches and Christmas falls in line like a tin soldier, take note of your life. Do you feel strapped? Trapped in a rut? Or, are you seeing all the things you want out of life come to fruition? Whatever the case, pay attention. Otherwise, the wonderful things just might pass you by.

Until next time, I remain, Unstoppable.

Powerful Friendship

Recently, I've discovered a lot of new things about myself. I don't really know if it's because I'm breeching that BIG 4-0 in the next couple of years (as we all know wisdom comes with age, at least for some); or if my life has taken on new meaning; or, maybe I have finally reached a point so close to blissful perfection (for this minute) that I can stand back and look at myself. But what I have seen is nothing short of outstanding.

Listen, I've spent years putting aside my needs and desires to make sure everyone else in my life had what they needed. It's only fair that, at the ripe old age of 38, I can change that and take care of myself and even give myself a little credit. Life's hard enough without putting off today what you can do tomorrow. Right?

So, I started writing again. Proudly, I just finished my second novel, Releasing Saint Angel. For me that means the draft was finished a month ago, the first revision is complete, the prologue and the epilogue are written to my satisfaction and my critique partners and close friends/editors have it in hand to read and give me a thumbs up or down. Either way: it's done. I've finished what I started. My first toot your own horn discovery about my new and improved self.

Believe it or not, I was once a very lonely, isolated person. My only friends were those that I worked with, so whenever I changed jobs, I got to leave those friends behind (for the most part) and start anew. Guess what? I really enjoy having friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, furry friends - it doesn't matter the make or the model, it’s just really nice to have someone to call when you are ironing and watching the toddler play naked in the backyard with the neighbor's dog and the water hose. You know? To the old friends that I decided were keepers, I've added a host of new friends. Friends that I met in places I love like the Georgia Romance Writers meeting I attend each month. This month I met two wonderful new writers/girlfriends and we formed an instant critique group. I'm honored to have them in my life. You know who you are. Pam and Pam! So, my second toot your own horn discovery about my new self is Wow! It’s really cool to have friends and feel like you are part of something.

My final lesson about my new and improved self, and one that warrants the loudest toot is that staying grounded while doing what you love gives you the inspiration, heart and soul to keep going, letting go of fears that might hold you back, to produce your very best work. Not the work of writing, but the work of life. Karen White spoke at our Georgia Romance Writers meeting last Saturday and told just such a story. It was a powerful lesson in humility for anyone, not just writers. One minute you are up, with the next rejection letter you are down, but in between is the stuff that really matters: like the toddler playing naked in the backyard with the neighbor's dog and the garden hose.

Until next time, dear friends, I remain Unstoppable.