If I Died Today, What Would You Say?

Today's topic is difficult for most people. It is that of our mortality. In W. Gary Gore’s book Navigating Change he asks yet another tough question: What would my family, friends and associates say about me if I died today?

My life has been so upside down lately that I can only imagine my friends, family and associates being grateful I am…gone. I mean really, I’ve had nothing to talk about but sad, angry, lonely poop that has happened in my life over the last eight months or so. Who wants to listen to that? Even I don't want to listen to that anymore.

Honestly, that's why I’m on this journey to determine my core purpose, the meaning of my life. What I’ve found over the last eight months is that I haven’t been a good friend. I have been difficult to talk to, to listen to; I have been frustrated, angry, hurt and have nothing to intellectual to share. I don’t want to be that person anymore. So what would my friends, family and associates say about me if I died today?

• Finally! She found some peace.
• We didn't see her enough!
• We'll miss her spirit!

That's not how I want to leave this life or this world. So I'm going to leave with you my favorite poem by Andrea Alban Gosline:

Sing my song
In children dancing

And lovebirds soaring
From the nest to the moon.

Tell my story
To jasmine twining
And willows swaying
In the long summer sun.

Look for me
In peaceful eyes of mothers
And faces of their babies
In contented sleep.

Remember me
In quiet nights of winter
And mornings of new flowers,
Dreaming of spring.

Living life isn’t about the bad. It isn’t about sharing what hurts. It’s about sharing what you are grateful for and let me tell you, I’m grateful for so many things (another post for another day). No really, I made a list.

What about you? What would your friends, family and associates say if you died today? How does that make you feel? Would you change anything?

Living a grateful life, I remain Unstoppable.

That's My Purpose. What's Yours?

Ha! The question for the Ages: Why am I here? (or, with my sticky keyboard...Why am I her?) Either way, it's a good question to know the answer to, right?

So continuing to credit where credit is due, this is Question # 4 on W. Gary Gore's What is My Core Purpose questionnaire: What purpose do I serve in the lives of other people? Can you tell I'm getting a lot of joy from this book? This is a review in progress as well as a work (me) in progress. One of my Tweet-peeps is LizInProgress and I just love her watching her progress. I'm one of those people who believe watching another's progress inspires my own. Are you like that too?

Feet. Back. On. Floor.

So, my answer to Mr. Gore's question is this:

• I'm a mom to a little girl who doesn't miss a thing. I want to set a positive example for her and for my "mom" friends. I think kids hold onto what they learn from us now and it comes back to us when they reach their teens, so I do everything I can to let Red know I am here for her.  
• I am a supporter of causes and of friends and even though I may not grab the phone at 3:00AM when you call in a panic, I promise I will call you back when I get up at 6:00AM. I also believe that when you look around you always see someone who needs help be it a kind word, a bottle of water, or a box of groceries. I hope to always stay grounded enough to see those people and help.
• Though I may not always be perfect at it, I try to be a good and empathetic listener. Sometimes that's all someone needs to feel better about themselves or a situation, and who am I not to hear them out. My friendly neighborhood yardman/handyman just came by to share with me something that was bothering him and the twenty minutes I spent listening wasn't painful at all. In fact, I recommend it.
• Finally, I think all these things make me a good friend. I may not catch every FB birthday or send cards or gifts, but you will always be in my thoughts and prayers, especially when it's needed most.

So I think overall I make for pretty solid stock when it comes to my purpose. I realize I haven't been perfect, heck, I haven't always been an example of a happy, positive person. Life has tried more than once to defeat me. But I'm not giving up or giving in. I will be that person. I'm in this!

What about you?

Would You Notice?

Still on the path of self discovery with W. Gary Gore, I find myself asking this next tough, yet inspiring question: Would others notice if I cease to exist?

Well, of course! I am the center of your universe, aren't I? You would miss these blog posts everyday and the pleasure of my voice on the other end of the line, right? We can only hope to touch someone's life to the point that they might miss us even a little. But the truth of the matter is most of the people we touch we will affect once and never see them again.

So, the answer to the question for me is: Yes, I believe a select few would miss me for a minute, then they would go about their lives as normal. Others wouldn't notice at all.

My question to myself in taking this a few steps further is this: If I have the rare opportunity to make a difference in someone's life but once, then why not seize that opportunity and make that one instance all it can be? My answer: Why not?

Alright, you all are being conspicuously quiet. It's time to join the conversation. What are your thoughts?

Determining My Core Purpose in Life

What do I want to do with my life? Hmmmm.

I want to be a positive example of a mother, a friend, a leader (in that order). I want to empower and inspire the people in my life and those who I reach, to be their best selves. I want to experience ultimate joy, selflessness, wealth, success and security for both myself and my daughter through my actions (after all that is all I can control). I want to enjoy the benefit of spiritual peace and abundance.

 

The question seems obvious for some, but it took reading W. Gary Gore’s book on determining your life’s purpose and orienting your map and compass in such a way that you may achieve it, Navigating Change, for me to ask this question. My entire current (as of August 22, 2011) daily reading list may be found below.

 

What do you want to do with your life?

 

My Current Daily Reading List:

• Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach (AM)
• Navigating Change by W. Gary Gore (AM)
• The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom by Suze Orman (AM)
• Praying Our Goodbyes by Joyce Rupp (PM)
• Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World by Lisa Bloom (PM)
• Audio: Lord of the Flies written and read by William Golding (PM)

I encourage you to pick up a life-changing book today.

 

Liberation...Kind Of

Ah, FREEDOM!

I was reminded this morning by a follower that I need to stop the BS. Stop BS'ing my way through each day like everything is okay and start letting this divorce mess go. God, it's hard!

Reminders come in droves daily. Even my soon-to-be wasband said to me last week, "It's been eight months. Why can't you move on?" Taken out of context you might think that I had gone crawling back to him asking to try again. Let me assure you, that was NOT the case. I was actually expressing to him that it wasn't a good time to talk because I was in "hater" mode and I didn't want to cause any friction between us. Better? Thought so.

The thing is, it was easy for him to move on. He took a weekend, packed what he wanted and moved into an empty apartment with newly steam-cleaned carpets and freshly painted walls. He walked away from the daily responsibility of hugging, communicating, listening, bathing, feeding, clothing his family and found himself alone with time to himself to process this vast amount of change. Wow! Now, if I wanted a fresh start that is certainly the way I'd do it given the option. But that wasn't my option. I, instead, was left with no job, a mortgage, and the daily grind of hugging, communicating, listening, bathing, feeding and clothing my family in a home still filled with memories of a marriage.

His comment really tossed me a curve ball. So I sat. And, I thought about it. This was my conclusion...I haven't moved on because I've had all of 68 days to myself inside of eight months to process the fact that we are no longer a family. I am a single mom trying to accomplish great things in my life like becoming a published author, and at this moment, hell, just re-entering the workforce. Sixty-eight days is not a long time to tackle very much on either of those fronts, forget the emotional mayhem.

So, as little Red went off to her father's this past weekend I took it upon myself to do some liberating. Liberating of space. I hired the man down the street (Tony, who is terrific BTW for anyone living here in Medlock Park) to help me go through the loads of crap down in the basement, clean out the crawl space, purge the soon-to-be's stuff from my life. What was a basement full of junk that needed to go is now a craft room, playroom, and extra living area with a couch and tv for watching movies in the darkest of dark rooms. Okay, so there is still a wall filled with things that need to be put in our next yard sale, but my power tools are separate from my hand tools, my screws no longer reside with my nails, and I know where all of those gifts I pre-purchased for birthdays and holidays are now. I even installed shelving at the laundry area to keep things neat and tidy. And, I got to use my screw gun, AGAIN! I love being a girl.

So, for all of you out there suffering the mourning that accompanies divorce, I say, "Liberate yourself!" Stop holding on to the stuff. Let it go. It's time for a fresh, clean start.

Thanks DannJ for kicking me in the ass. I sure needed it.

Until next time, I remain Unstoppable.

Achieve More. Make Mistakes.

“Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.” - Joan Collins

If you choose to view divorce as a mistake, that is your right. Divorce is often that fearful one thing none of us wants to face. Maybe it’s the one thing we swear will never happen to us. The security of that crystal ball never fails me. How about you?

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. I’ve walked away when I should’ve stayed. I’ve held on when I should’ve let go. Hell, I’ve even let go when I probably should’ve held on. But have I learned anything? Sure.

Tonight I found myself on the phone with my soon-to-be-ex. We talked a bit after I said goodnight to Red over the phone (she’s with her dad this weekend). I shared with him how much I missed her when she wasn’t around. He was empathetic. I shared with him how some days I want to call him up and scream and yell at him in anger. Again, he understood. I declared how some days I missed him so much I wanted to tell him to come to his senses and come home. His response, “I guess I’m not the only one that feels that way.”

When we hung up the phone I pretty much sat paralyzed on the couch in my office wondering, “How should I feel?” Sadness over my loss was the first thing that struck me. Losing my husband, my family, is a devastating, embarrassing, humiliating loss. I might even call it a mistake. But, there’s no turning back now. All I can do from this point forward is be myself and learn from my mistakes.

ABCs for New Writers – “M” is for Move to Improve

Good morning and happy Monday to all of you new and veteran writers out there. I’m hoping this post finds you wide awake after an invigorating walk, enjoying a cup of coffee, ready for a little BICHOK. If not, then read on.

We’ve already discussed the benefits of focus – BICHOK – But in Chair Hands on Keyboard, we have even talked about liberating your creativity, but we haven’t discussed the honest benefits of fitness when it comes to improving creativity. Today, let’s go against Guerilla Training for Writers.

Recent studies show that an hour of aerobic exercise improves creativity both immediately following exercise and two hours after? In fact, the difference in creativity immediately following exercise and two hours after exercise is slim to none. Okay, so there’s one kicker: In those who are physically fit the levels of creativity are significantly higher than in those who are not. What does that tell us as writers? Maybe sitting in front of a computer all day isn’t the healthiest idea.

First, let’s define Aerobic Exercise. The word aerobic is made up of two Greek words: Aeros meaning air and Bios meaning life. Aerobic exercise is vigorous enough to increase the body's need for oxygen and hence air intake and breathing rate increase. Aerobic exercise is done at a pace that allows an adequate supply of oxygen to reach your muscles as you work out. If you can hum to yourself or carry on a conversation as you work out then you are probably exercising aerobically. (http://stresscourse.tripod.com/id56.html)

Now, let’s figure out some ways to get in an hour’s worth of aerobic exercise. What are some things we can do?

Take a brisk walk around your neighborhood, maybe even break out into a trot. Be certain to wear good shoes, take nice deep breaths, and don’t forget to stretch both before and after.

It’s summertime after all, so why not go for a swim? Swimming is great exercise. You don’t have to invest in good shoes either. Again, stretching is important and if you aren’t a consistent lapper, be sure to take breaks every few. Start with two laps, up and back, take a break, then do it again. Tomorrow, go for three. Build up slowly. The benefit is still the same.

Ride a bike. You can do this outdoors or in. If you live in Georgia like me, the idea of riding a bike in 98% humidity is not appealing. If that’s the case, head to your local YMCA or gym and jump on a stationary bike.

Rowing is also wonderful exercise, and again, it can be done indoors or out. I’m going to recommend outdoors only because boosting your creativity via exercise and taking in nature’s beauty can render you darn near brilliant. In the Atlanta area, Shoot the ‘Hooch offers canoes, kayaks and rafts for rent by the hour.

Finally, there’s nothing wrong with a little Jane Fonda. Take out that dusty old VHS (some of you still remember those, right?) or head to a step class at the gym.

Once you get your hour out of the way, then you can get your BICHOK. Think about all of the benefits. You’re more creative, sure, but what about your improved health? You can get rid of a few unwanted pounds. Knowing that you are taking care of yourself physically has a huge emotional impact as well.

*****

Do you use fitness to boost your creativity? Is there a particular aerobic exercise you do that you could share with our readers? Comment and you’ll be entered to win the Emerge Unstoppable t-shirt. It makes for a great shirt to wear while you’re exercising.

*****

Stop by WritersLi.P.P. this week and meet Megan Stanish and see what all the hoopla’s about.

Until then, I remain Unstoppable.

Love in Five Parts – Part V – All You Need Is…

In a lot of ways it seems like something as broad-reaching and all encompassing as love should take more than five quick blog posts to explore. I suppose in reality it does. But, for all intents and purposes, over the last few weeks, we have covered what we need to.

My parting thought (process) for you is this…I am who I am because of the influence of everyone in my life including you. I know this. I want you to know this too. And the person you’ve guided me to become is a person who will hug a complete stranger and tell him or her, “I love you.” Know why? Because, I do. I’ll tell the boy who broke my heart when I was fifteen (you know who you are), my wasbands, former lovers, my daughter, my parents, family, those I see only rarely, neighbors, friends, anyone who’s willing to accept the gift, the blessing, of “I love you.”

Because all that I know of love is right here. Press play!


 
An aside: This is my all-time-favorite wedding scene from any movie, EVER! If you haven't seen Love Actually stop what you are doing, drive to your nearest video store, get online, whatever you must do, and BUY THIS MOVIE. I promise you won't regret it. Now, back to our blog...
 

You and the love you have shared with me, whoever you are, have given me what I need to find, feel, and express love at its core. I don’t need or ask for anything in return. The joy comes in the experience. So, thanks.

Until next week I remain an Unstoppable love.

ABCs for New Writers - "L" is for Love Your Process

For some of us our relationship with our creativity is of the love/hate persuasion. I for one often have bursts of creative flow and other times my river runs dry. It’s not writer’s block per se; that’s a whole different animal. This is that sinking feeling like you can’t lift your hefty rear off the couch to create anything, not even a quiche, that would appeal to an audience; least of all your very best friend. The feeling is horrible and leaves your wheels spinning. Idea after idea comes into your brain and just as quickly as they pop in, they poop out.

My Love Letter to My Process,
"Sweetheart, thinking of you keeps me up at night!"

Yes friends, creativity can be a fickle lover. But I have found that if you have a process, a method to your creative madness, you can accomplish more by loving it.

Just like a sprouting tomato plant in early spring, if you nurture it, tomatoes will come. Same with your process, if you care for it, play it music, weed the weaker ideas out of your fertile creative field, nourish it with encouragement, entertainment, and education (sounds like another post); your little creativity seedling will grow into a creative process that by enjoyment, not habit, will yield fists full of well written pages.

My process changes from project to project. I wear many hats in my life and my career, so defining a beginning and end point, like the trained project manager I am, is how I get started. Defining a start and finish, as I said, differs by project. Since we are talking in this context about writing, let’s take a work of romantic women’s fiction. This is on the outset a work of eighty to one-hundred thousand words. Aside from drawing character sketches, and plotting, and research I know that I can work and hour to an hour and a half a day and will typically average 1,500 words in that timeframe. My starting point is doing the math – using today as my start date I figure how many days it will take to write the minimum, in this case 53.3 days, and I draw a darling caricature on my calendar on the block for August 8th that depicts me doing the happy dance. Then, I get to work.

After defining a project frame, which gives me a goal, a deadline I am driven to meet, I write the first scene. I write longhand at first just to get the initial idea on paper and the juices flowing. Once I get a feel for where I’m heading with the story, and who the characters may be, I do the leg work – definition, research, plotting. I schedule interviews with SMEs (Subject Matter Experts) who can help me with the things I know nothing about like the differences in being a circuit court judge in 1950 versus present day. All the while I write.

As a new writer, have you developed your process yet? Have you tried two or three different ideas but nothing seems to fit? Let me know and maybe I can turn you onto trying something new.

Until next time, I remain Unstoppable.

Love in Five Parts - Part IV - Loving, Healthy Kids

All we need is a little...

Love is an emotion that is difficult to share if for no other reason than because it lays bare the sacredness of one’s own heart. But I’ve found the more I talk about love, give love, and invite love the more love I receive. I’m not afraid to face the reflection in the mirror because I have been open with my heart. Have I always made the right decisions? Oh h-e-double hockey sticks no! But, I can go to my grave knowing I stayed true to my heart.

When I look at my young daughter I often think how sad it would be if she never felt love, but it’s not fair of me to force it upon her, so I sit back and wait for the invitation to love her on her terms. Sounds sort of counterintuitive, but even a three year old deserves respect, space and individuality. Who am I to take that from her? But she also deserves love – healthy, hopeful, joyful love.

My sure fire sign that loving, supportive roles are at play is when she sits in my office chair and says, “I am the mommy and you are the little girl.” I laugh and say, “Okay Mommy, what are we up to today?” “Honey, I’m working on my book right now,” she says pointing at the screen. It goes on like this for a while and then I say, “Okay, it’s my turn. Let’s take a break and snuggle for a while.” Agreeing, she bounds into the living room and hops onto the couch and starts ticking off her favorite movies and asks with a very sweet “please” (usually) for me to put one in. Then we curl up on our pillows and watch for a while as her favorite heroes and heroines save the day and fall in love. I always rib her about the heroine kissing the hero and she laughs. It’s not the same laugh as comes with a Scooby Doo fart scene, but hey, not everything warrants uproarious laughter.

When I question my decision about staying home with her even when we face losing everything I don’t regret my choice. Through the ups and downs of radical marital change she has emerged a well-adjusted little girl with healthy emotions and views on love. I believe that is because I refuse to hide my emotions from her and because I respect her needs like that of space, or snuggling. In the end that’s what all this is about anyway – taking what we know and passing it on in a good way, right?

I’m turning it over to you. Do you see how your love lessons have affected your children or your reflection? Do you struggle to overcome the past to build a healthier, happier future?

Today’s shameless marketing - Join me and Pam Asberry tomorrow at WritersLi.P.P. You might be in for a surprise. Until then, I remain the Unstoppable Ms. Start.

ABCs for New Writers – J is for Just Write; Edit Later

Okay folks, this should be totally self-explanatory, but let me tell you something, for even experienced writers, writing without our internal editor switched “on” can be hard. You’ve heard of the internal editor, right? That’s that little voice, the angel, or devil on your shoulder that makes you go back to the beginning of each paragraph to read, re-read, and edit it to death before you can move on. That little bugger can make a writer cra-zee!

So here’s the deal, imagine a switch for your internal editor and flip it to the “off” position. Write. Write. Write. If you have to, write longhand. But don’t, let me repeat; don’t edit anything until you write “the end.."

What? You feel like you might lose your train of thought. Your subconscious brain doesn’t forget my friends so you have lost nothing. How do you trick your conscious brain into picking up where you left off? That’s easy. Go back to the work you did the day before (yes, I am making the assumption you write on a daily basis) and re-write, or re-type the last couple of sentences or paragraph where you left off. Then all you have to do is keep going. Cool huh? Try it!

The most important thing is to get your ideas on paper in their freshest, most tender state. That is where all of your emotion lies in the newness of a thought or idea. If you edit before you even get the complete thought on paper then you lose the feelings that drove you to have the thought or idea to begin with. Don’t do that. I want to read about whom you are and what you are feeling whether it’s fictionalized or not. If you don’t feel like you can trust yourself to put your emotions on paper, well, that’s another letter for another day.

So get to it! Close your eyes. Envision the switch. Turn it off. Nice. Now write.

Until Wednesday, I am back and feeling a little more organized and Unstoppable.

ABCs for New Writers - "I" is for Inspire

For all intents and purposes I mean inspire others, but as with everything, this is somewhat karmic (what goes out comes back tenfold). Why? As you uplift others and propel them forward to follow their own dreams, so too are you moved forward toward your own. Deep, huh? Some day you’ll find that quote in Bartlett’s.

I witness it each day in my own life as well as the lives of my fellow writers. When you are able to share your stories, struggles and triumphs included, the individuals who follow your progress also become ready to try their hand at what they want most out of life. In other words, before you even publish your very first work you can affect lives. Ultimately isn’t that why we become writers, because we want to touch people, to pass on a message, to help them in some small way?

I interpret a writers “voice” in this way. It is the message that one intends to convey not the means by which one conveys it. (Boy, Bartlett’s here I come!) And though voice is a topic for another day, one that you will understand better by the time we get there, it bears weight in today’s conversation. As you share your story, your progress, you develop your voice.

I get e-mails from friends and readers regularly that say simply, “great job!” or “keep going!” Those small messages give me the courage I need to keep walking the path toward my ultimate goal of becoming a published author. The best ones though are the ones that read, “This was just what I needed to hear today. Thank you.” Those words can keep me going strong for days.

Reading the blogs of my fellow writers I see the same messages shared in the comments. In turn, I hear them speak about how friends and followers have inspired them and the circle continues because then I am inspired to share my story with you hoping that you will tell your story…see where I’m going with this. It creates a visual Microsoft might envy for a screen-saver – colorful, dramatic circles of sharing that keep going and going until someone touches the keyboard.

There are so many ways to share your story in today’s digital world. If you are afraid, or don’t understand something, ask for help. You can write a blog, tweet on Twitter, post your story on Facebook or all of the above, all in short bursts of words, that if done strategically, not only inspire others but help develop your platform and grow your audience. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. After all, we’re only at the letter “I”.

Join the conversation. Have you reached others by sharing your story? Would you like to? What would hold you back? What is your favorite comment, so far?

Until Wisdom Wednesday and Part II of Love in Five Parts, I remain Unstoppable.

The Truth is You Can HELP

There’s not been an Easter as far back as I can recall (and that’s pretty far back) that hasn’t offered frightening, horrible weather like we experienced in Alabama and Georgia last night. My heart goes out to all the people who lost members or their family, their friends, and their homes. It will be a long time before life returns to normal for many of our neighbors.

Instead of writing fiction today, I’m going to tell you a whole lot of truth in very few words – these people need your help.

After spending part of my career working for nonprofit organizations that assist people in need, I know firsthand how important it is to step up to the plate in times like these.

So, here’s one little thing you can do: Donate

Visit the American Red Cross website or text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to give $10.

The governor of Alabama has also set up a relief fund:
Governor's Tornado Relief Fund
Neighbor Helping Neighbor Inc.
The Tuscaloosa News
P.O. Box 20187
Tuscaloosa, Ala., 35402-0187

To assist victims residing in Northwest Georgia: American Red Cross of Northwest Georgia

Click and donate - Five, ten, twenty dollars - whatever you can manage.

If you find other ways to donate or ways to volunteer, please post them here, on Facebook, Twitter. Get the word out so we can help our neighbors in need.

Until Monday, I remain saddened by all of this devastation and willing to help.

Wisdom Wednesday – Love…in Five Parts

It struck me this morning, as I was driving into an office I frequent and entire day-and-a-half a week, how blessed my life has been by love. Are you wondering what brought about this epiphany? Why, Lady Antebellum did. One song in particular entitled, If I Knew Then. The chorus - Cause love only comes once in awhile, Knocks on your door and throws you a smile, And takes every breath, leaves every scar, Speaks to your soul and sings to your heart, And if I knew then what I know now, I’d fall in love - touches me on the many levels of this mysterious condition that allows my heart to soar and ache all at the same time.

It’s a charming little four-letter word, isn’t it? L-O-V-E. Its definition remains so enigmatic that not one of us has yet to truly figure it out.

At its foundation, love is defined (in this case by Dictionary.com) as: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Sounds lovely, right? But love has many different levels, layers that fill a person’s pie shell with sweet, sour and savory flavors that affect how we give generous, or calorie reduced slices of love in return.

In my lifetime I have been touched by the love of my parents and family, I have fallen in love with three men who shaped me as a woman and will always hold a place in my heart, and I have experienced the enormous love between mother and daughter. Blessed I tell you, blessed!

So what is it about love, on a Wednesday, which inspires me to delve into this recipe? Pain. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to drag you into my current brand of crazy, but, that insanity is what is keeping me up at night forcing me to think about whether my recipe is good enough, or not.

Also, love is taboo. It’s something we choose not to jinx; talk about before its time. Unless we are closely connected to friends and family, we rarely release it from the vest. So, this is my attempt to get you to share your recipe for love. Educate me. Listen intently, I may just teach you a little something in return. Ah, the give and take of…love. See, intimacy abounds.

Here we find ourselves at the end of Love – Part I. Mise en place is complete. Now, let’s start putting the ingredients in this pie and talk about how they help us express the love we feel. Yes, feeling is scary, but you can do it. I believe in you.

Until next Wednesday and Part II, I remain Unstoppable.

ABCs for New Writers – “H” is for Harness Creativity

It’s funny, when someone uses the term “harness” in my brain it conjures up the image of a cowboy lassoing a mighty stallion. I must have been a cow poke in a former life. I also envision “harness” as something you do to energy or atoms; capturing it in little glass jars like fireflies.


But, when I speak in terms of harnessing creativity, I am telling you to liberate it. I know it’s an antonym. Are you wondering how to do it? Well, in my case and that of a number of other writers I know, you get the opposite of BICHOK (butt in chair hands on keys) and do a little hard labor. There’s nothing like some back-breaking hard work to clear your head and get the creative juices flowing again.

Oh, so that’s too much to ask? Okay, hit a road block or writer’s block and see if you don’t change your mind. Dolly Parton has been known to fast - yes, I mean stop eating - in order to get her creativity revved up and has written entire albums full of heartfelt songs while consuming nothing but fruit juice. Who wouldn't with the promise of a cheeseburger once finished?



My friend and critique partner came for our weekly check-in on Friday and we talked about how good it was to step away from our respective WIPs and do a little physical work. Pam tore her house apart and painted both her son’s room and her piano studio while on spring break, and emerged with new direction and ready to get back to work on a project that had been threatening to go into the recycle bin. I have taken on a very intense gardening project that involves five raised beds, two sections of patio and surrounding flower beds. It is an undertaking but one I needed to pull me away from my recent lack of enthusiasm over my WIP.



An unstoppable garden under construction.
If I stop now I have a mosh pit.



Talk about getting derailed (March 16, 2011). It happens sometimes – life – and it takes away from everything a writer holds sacred – time, passion, fervor – all gone replaced by the burdensome weight of sadness, anger and frustration. It takes time to get creativity back on track, so liberate it in other ways and keep feeding your soul. Go fishing if you have to. Take on a new workout routine. Get physical. I promise it will make slipping off track much easier to deal with emotionally.

Tell us something about you. What kind of heavy lifting gets your mind off your troubles? Do you ever find yourself lacking enthusiasm over your WIP (whatever it may be)? How do you liberate creativity?

Until Wednesday I remain back-broken and dirty but Unstoppable.

Truth or Fiction Thursday - Can Carpet Shampoo Do That?

Got ya wondering, didn’t I?

So, I’ve said before that I can’t be all Tony Robbins all the time and today is one of those days. So, being the domestic goddess that I am, I wanted to share with you the best product on the planet to clear away stains. Not only does it clean normal, everyday stains like coffee, wine, mud, grass (yes, I have a pretty messy family, but who doesn’t) it has even cleaned – drum roll – red fingernail polish out of beige carpet.

No. I. Am. Not. Kidding.

And, you don’t have to buy the fancy and terribly expensive vacuum cleaner for it to work (just please don’t tell the Rainbow people I said that. Yes, it is Aquamate Floor Shampoo offered by Rainbow.

You can buy it online for anywhere from $17 to $23 and it’s worth every penny.

Being a young, penny-pincher back in the day, I used to sit in the middle of my living room floor watching Chicago Hope and painting my toes. I know, I’m telling my age here, but I did say I was young then. Well, one night while getting into one of Mandy Patinkin’s many musical performances, I knocked over a bottle of red nail polish. OMG! I thought I was in for it. My husband would kill me. Okay, so I wasn’t that young.

I dashed around the house looking for anything that would take out the glaring red smudge and not bleach the carpet. And lo and behold there it was, the Aquamate Floor Shampoo in the laundry room just waiting to be challenged. I say challenged because it came with the unreasonably expensive vacuum that I got suckered into by a door-to-door salesman who managed to convince me that selling vacuums was how he was going to pay for his blind wife’s eye replacement surgery and that his products would miraculously save the dying with a tiny daub. After that night, I ran right out and had “sucker” tattooed across my forehead so others could convince me to spend an ungodly amount of money on something else I didn’t need.

Back to the story – So, I sat down in the floor with a white dish rag and this cleaning solution and went to scrubbing. At first, the spill got worse. It spread like wildfire the more I tried to scour it away, but then I think the friction I was causing changed the chemical compound from cleaner to miracle worker. The dramatic red polish spill was gone.

No. I. Am. Not. Kidding. I love making dramatic statements with periods (but only in my blog Grammar Divas).

So, am I telling you to run right out and buy this stuff? Well, I am not trying to afford my blind wife’s eye replacement surgery, however, I do highly recommend if you have kids, pets, carpet, a house with any fabric in it whatsoever, spend the dime and get the good stuff. It will last you forever and come in handy in any number of fabric emergencies.

Join the conversation. Is there a product that worked miracles you never expected?

Until Monday and the ABCs for New Writers, I remain an Unstoppable domestic goddess.

Today’s disclaimer: I do not own stock in or represent Rainbow Vacuum Cleaners or their products. I am an independent consumer with one opinion.

Wisdom Wednesday - Where Are We Hurrying To?

The thing about the rat race is that even if you win you’re still a rat. – Lily Tomlin

There’s this wonderful little book sitting on the table next to my recliner that, when I’m a good girl, I read with zeal and put right to practice. It’s called The Power of Patience by M.J. Ryan.

The title of today’s post and what I want to share with you was inspired by the passage, Where Are We Hurrying To? By example, it begs the question, “What is so important that we would sacrifice our sanity and serenity to get to “it” or get “it” done without bothering to enjoy the journey?”

My little girl has been dealing with, next to death or serious illness, the most painful thing a kid could experience – divorcing parents – and it’s starting to wear on her. So tonight, when she got home from dinner with her father and had a meltdown because she didn’t want to take a bath without her bathing suit on (yes, Sally, I think she’s met Her Majesty), I quickly soaped her up, rinsed her off, got her dressed for bed and then laid down in the floor with her for as long as my back could stand and colored.

For a lengthy time before bed (and I even put it off a bit) I took direction from her about what color marker to use on what corner of the page. It was the most important moment of my day. Not only did I learn that Tinkerbell actually looks good as a “pink candy fairy”, I gave up my far-from-first-place position in the old rat race and patiently accepted my daughter’s need for love and attention. And, thanks to The Power of Patience I was able to give it to her.

I can’t lie to you; I personally enjoy the rat race. I find challenge exciting. But folks, I don’t want to be that rat that missed out on her baby girl growing up. So, for today, I’m happy to have left the race a little early.

Until tomorrow, I am still here, better late than never, and remain Unstoppable.

ABCs for New Writers - "G" is for Go Get 'em Tiger!

Sometimes the best thing to do is just start, right? My mom once gave me this frilly, lace-fringed magnet that read, “I’d be unstoppable if I could only get started.” There’s no doubt that even at my age getting started isn’t always that easy to do.


But more importantly, once you get started, what are you going to do with that? Let me share with you a snippet form my own life – YOU KEEP GOING!

Why, Lindy, what ever do you mean (in my best Scarlett O’Hara voice)? I mean keep putting one foot in front of the other. But, I can’t take care of all these people (in my weakest Melanie rebut). Let me tell you a little something, if you can just keep taking one more step, you can go places, feed people, live your dream.

Forgive my Scarlett and Melanie references, but Nancy Knight rubbed off on me in her Well Begun is Half Done workshop this past Saturday at our monthly Georgia Romance Writers meeting.

Don’t believe me? Well, during the very last week of February and the very first week of March, I took an InDesign (Adobe graphic design program) course with my girlfriend who needed some help with her BIG advertising client. Three days over the course of two weeks I spent learning something new and you know what, here it is mid-April and not only do I work 10-15 hours a week for that client, I work another 10 hours a week for a recently acquired client of my own. Know why? Because I let go of my fear and self-doubt and took a flying leap of a cliff.

When I went soaring off the precipice into the open air and great unknown I had no idea that I could survive. I had no clue I could be successful. But I dove knowing that if I didn’t do it I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I strive to put that philosophy into practice in everything I do, including my writing.

So, if you ever find yourself thinking that it’s just not possible, you’re not good enough, or you’re just too darn lazy, guess what, those are all pretty lame excuses! Go out there and get ‘em tiger! I know you can.

Until Wednesday, I remain aloft and Unstoppable.

Wisdom Wednesday - A One Minute Lesson on Taking Care of Yourself

A long, long time ago I read this book called The One Minute Manager. You might have heard of it. It was written by Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. I didn’t take it seriously at first but when I got into it I discovered there was a lot of wisdom in that little book for a then aspiring manager. And many, many years later, as a manager of very different things, I still hold onto a couple of the lessons that stuck.


One being take one minute (probably less) to do something that will make you happy or in this instance, bring relief. I recall the lesson in the book being about one person’s dirty windshield and how it took less than a minute to wipe it clean with a paper towel. I often find myself sitting at a red light staring at bug guts on my windshield, so I put this into practice. Know what I found out? It truly does take less than a minute to bring great relief.

So, today I am going to challenge myself to take a minute, maybe even two, to do a little something that will make me happy. I might go and wash the yucky yellow pollen off of my car, or stop and have a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop, or maybe, just maybe I’ll vacuum (I can’t stand having a messy house and right now mine is making me crazy!) Okay, so these things take more than a minute, but you get my point. It doesn’t take much to make you happy, so why not get off your rear and just do it?

What if we applied this one minute principle to our writing? What if we took one minute each day to write one sentence in a minute? Could you do that? Would that sentence make sense? Could it lead you to writing another sentence tomorrow? What if we wrote one sentence today and perfected it? No, I mean really made it perfect. How long would it take us to finish a project? Good question, huh? Well, say that one perfect sentence each day inspired you to write an entire scene when you finally fell into the recliner after the dishes were clean, the kids bathed and in bed? What if that inspiration led you to stay up an hour longer to write? See, one minute can make all of the difference in the world.

How will you use your minute? What will you take a minute (more or less) to do today that will make you happy, bring you relief?

Until tomorrow, I remain Unstoppable.

ABCs for New Writers – “F” is for Flexibility, Forgiveness and Fundamentals or Just Plain Fun

The F-words can be pretty offensive, but if you swallow hard, I’m sure you too can manage hearing them with grace.


Flexibility is a huge key to any new writer’s growth (note I didn’t say success). In order to grow you must be able to ebb and flow with life’s tides. Your first goal as a writer is to put humongous burdens on yourself. Make sure you set out to write for two hours (at least) or 2,ooo words a day. Don’t take into account sick days, vacation days, your kid’s days for each of those, the fact that your spouse, family, best friend needs you. NO! Set unreasonable goals so you have a good excuse to quit and not live your dream. What? Don’t want to give up on your dream? Alright then, breathe in these dream-sustaining words – remain flexible. Change as you need to and be proud that if you even daydream about your story for a minute today you have moved closer to living your dream of being a writer.

Forgiveness goes hand in hand with flexibility. If you make the mistake of taking on too much too soon (I’m speaking from experience here people) forgive yourself. Don’t quit. I would miss you. We would all miss you. The thing of it is you are part of a community now so if you leave we will notice. Your spirit – aka energy – will be missing from this fantastical world us writers call home. So, if you face unanticipated challenges, deal with them, forgive yourself a needed break, and then return to your community.

Finally (ah, another “F” word) we have fundamentals. Never stop learning the fundamentals of your craft. Our language is constantly growing and changing. You can read any urban dictionary to learn that (I’m waiting for the Grammar Divas to chime in here). But the fundamentals of good writing remain the same. Take an English refresher at your local university. Emory University offers one I’ll be taking in the fall. Take a workshop online. Read a book or watch a video on craft. Michael Hague’s The Hero’s Two Journeys is wonderful. Stephen King’s On Writing is insightful. You won’t regret knowing your craft.

Above and beyond all else, and this is most important, NEVER STOP HAVING FUN! Your dream isn’t meant to be work. I know. I know. When you get into the business of writing it will be more like work, but as a new writer it’s meant to be life giving. So, have fun with it. Be adventurous and creative and have FUN!

Until Wednesday, I remain Unstoppable.