Liberation...Kind Of

Ah, FREEDOM!

I was reminded this morning by a follower that I need to stop the BS. Stop BS'ing my way through each day like everything is okay and start letting this divorce mess go. God, it's hard!

Reminders come in droves daily. Even my soon-to-be wasband said to me last week, "It's been eight months. Why can't you move on?" Taken out of context you might think that I had gone crawling back to him asking to try again. Let me assure you, that was NOT the case. I was actually expressing to him that it wasn't a good time to talk because I was in "hater" mode and I didn't want to cause any friction between us. Better? Thought so.

The thing is, it was easy for him to move on. He took a weekend, packed what he wanted and moved into an empty apartment with newly steam-cleaned carpets and freshly painted walls. He walked away from the daily responsibility of hugging, communicating, listening, bathing, feeding, clothing his family and found himself alone with time to himself to process this vast amount of change. Wow! Now, if I wanted a fresh start that is certainly the way I'd do it given the option. But that wasn't my option. I, instead, was left with no job, a mortgage, and the daily grind of hugging, communicating, listening, bathing, feeding and clothing my family in a home still filled with memories of a marriage.

His comment really tossed me a curve ball. So I sat. And, I thought about it. This was my conclusion...I haven't moved on because I've had all of 68 days to myself inside of eight months to process the fact that we are no longer a family. I am a single mom trying to accomplish great things in my life like becoming a published author, and at this moment, hell, just re-entering the workforce. Sixty-eight days is not a long time to tackle very much on either of those fronts, forget the emotional mayhem.

So, as little Red went off to her father's this past weekend I took it upon myself to do some liberating. Liberating of space. I hired the man down the street (Tony, who is terrific BTW for anyone living here in Medlock Park) to help me go through the loads of crap down in the basement, clean out the crawl space, purge the soon-to-be's stuff from my life. What was a basement full of junk that needed to go is now a craft room, playroom, and extra living area with a couch and tv for watching movies in the darkest of dark rooms. Okay, so there is still a wall filled with things that need to be put in our next yard sale, but my power tools are separate from my hand tools, my screws no longer reside with my nails, and I know where all of those gifts I pre-purchased for birthdays and holidays are now. I even installed shelving at the laundry area to keep things neat and tidy. And, I got to use my screw gun, AGAIN! I love being a girl.

So, for all of you out there suffering the mourning that accompanies divorce, I say, "Liberate yourself!" Stop holding on to the stuff. Let it go. It's time for a fresh, clean start.

Thanks DannJ for kicking me in the ass. I sure needed it.

Until next time, I remain Unstoppable.

Achieve More. Make Mistakes.

“Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.” - Joan Collins

If you choose to view divorce as a mistake, that is your right. Divorce is often that fearful one thing none of us wants to face. Maybe it’s the one thing we swear will never happen to us. The security of that crystal ball never fails me. How about you?

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. I’ve walked away when I should’ve stayed. I’ve held on when I should’ve let go. Hell, I’ve even let go when I probably should’ve held on. But have I learned anything? Sure.

Tonight I found myself on the phone with my soon-to-be-ex. We talked a bit after I said goodnight to Red over the phone (she’s with her dad this weekend). I shared with him how much I missed her when she wasn’t around. He was empathetic. I shared with him how some days I want to call him up and scream and yell at him in anger. Again, he understood. I declared how some days I missed him so much I wanted to tell him to come to his senses and come home. His response, “I guess I’m not the only one that feels that way.”

When we hung up the phone I pretty much sat paralyzed on the couch in my office wondering, “How should I feel?” Sadness over my loss was the first thing that struck me. Losing my husband, my family, is a devastating, embarrassing, humiliating loss. I might even call it a mistake. But, there’s no turning back now. All I can do from this point forward is be myself and learn from my mistakes.

Love in Five Parts – Part III – For All the Men I’ve Loved Before

Are you ready for this? This is like the most intimate 20 minutes I have ever spent in my life. No joke. Sit and relax and read about the men I have loved, how they have influenced me, and where I’m headed. Ready? Here we go…

True love has found me three times in my life. No, I haven’t only enjoyed three relationships. I’m talking the real thing. That thing folks hope for – true love. My first true love I met when I was fifteen. He was so incredible that I dumped my boyfriend just because he was brazen enough to bow up at him in public. Through ups, downs, breakups and reconciliations we married, divorced, married and divorced. Walking through fire wasn’t enough to keep me away from him, but the threat of becoming a Molotov cocktail was enough to make me realize there was more to life than fear.

The second great love of my life taught me about romance and how real men treat real women. He held me when I broke down, made love to my mind, body and soul, challenged me to always be the better person, and to love with my whole heart. He taught me how to see myself the way he saw me and understand that a loving touch in just the right place lights me up like a fire cracker (minds out of the gutter people – my “g” spot is in the small of my back).

I’m still reeling from the pain of losing the love that lowered my guard and produced the most amazing little girl EVER. I can still remember the first day he knocked on my door and how he looked in his butter yellow cotton shirt and faded blue jeans. Or how we used to kiss for what seemed like hours finally forcing ourselves apart so we could go to work. The look on his face when I walked down the aisle, when he held his little girl for the first time, when I surprised him for his 40th - there’s nothing like those unforgettable loving moments.

All of these men have taught me so much about myself. In fact, I think first and foremost, they’ve taught me who I am but they have also shown me what I want. I can’t imagine ever opening my heart to another, other than my daughter and family, for a long time. When and if I do that’s it; no more doormat. And boy is this guy going to have to be something special. He’s going to have to be a real man, someone who can hold his own in life and with me. A man who knows where to touch me, how to kiss me, how to appreciate making a wrong turn or wrong decision and learning from it, a reader to my writer, a cook, a partner, who loves to laugh and doesn’t pick or criticize, who feels secure in himself and safe with me. He will have his own interests and will want to include me, and will in turn accept and be interested in mine. God, let there be a man with one green eye and one blue who smells of chocolate chip cookies and whose favorite shape is a silver, five-pointed star. God, let there be that family man.

Join the conversation. What loves have influenced your life? Are there particular qualities in your man, woman, or the partner of your dreams that you cannot live without?

Trying desperately to get back into the groove, I am still Unstoppable and still end in Start!

Wisdom Wednesday - Where Are We Hurrying To?

The thing about the rat race is that even if you win you’re still a rat. – Lily Tomlin

There’s this wonderful little book sitting on the table next to my recliner that, when I’m a good girl, I read with zeal and put right to practice. It’s called The Power of Patience by M.J. Ryan.

The title of today’s post and what I want to share with you was inspired by the passage, Where Are We Hurrying To? By example, it begs the question, “What is so important that we would sacrifice our sanity and serenity to get to “it” or get “it” done without bothering to enjoy the journey?”

My little girl has been dealing with, next to death or serious illness, the most painful thing a kid could experience – divorcing parents – and it’s starting to wear on her. So tonight, when she got home from dinner with her father and had a meltdown because she didn’t want to take a bath without her bathing suit on (yes, Sally, I think she’s met Her Majesty), I quickly soaped her up, rinsed her off, got her dressed for bed and then laid down in the floor with her for as long as my back could stand and colored.

For a lengthy time before bed (and I even put it off a bit) I took direction from her about what color marker to use on what corner of the page. It was the most important moment of my day. Not only did I learn that Tinkerbell actually looks good as a “pink candy fairy”, I gave up my far-from-first-place position in the old rat race and patiently accepted my daughter’s need for love and attention. And, thanks to The Power of Patience I was able to give it to her.

I can’t lie to you; I personally enjoy the rat race. I find challenge exciting. But folks, I don’t want to be that rat that missed out on her baby girl growing up. So, for today, I’m happy to have left the race a little early.

Until tomorrow, I am still here, better late than never, and remain Unstoppable.

Wisdom Wednesday – An Impassioned Plea for Hope

It feels like a good day to share a little bit of myself with you. I've been struggling lately to find my ground, somewhere for my feet and my soul to reside during a time of life that is "upside down." In searching for this ground I am forced to remember my whole life, a life that hasn't always been peaches and cream, a life that sometimes has been very black and disillusioned. Why? Because I failed to have hope.

That reigned true for me watching Becky Blanton's video on TED. If you have a little over seven minutes, I hope you will take a minute to watch it to. Our stories are very similar though mine didn't begin with a camping trip.

Becky is a journalist and after losing her father decided to embark on a "camping" trip to find out who she was. But, at the onset, she lost her freelance job and fell into a deep depression. She felt homeless. It took another's wisdom to point out that she was wrong.




I lived much the same way for a period of six months or so back in my early 20s. Struggling to grow out of my first divorce I finally found a job in advertising and hoped to launch into marketing stardom. Instead, I my roommate found a boyfriend and kicked me out, I didn't make enough money to live anywhere but a crack hotel on Jimmy Carter, and I was back to eating mac & cheese and potatoes like a college kid. So, I lived at truck stops, bathed in public restrooms, and for the most part was a vagabond, but darn it, I had my career.

I finally realized after months of this torture that I wanted more. I wanted a home, a family, a job that at least paid the bills, security - so I chucked my idea of being an advertising whiz kid and moved back home to Macon where I lived with my parents.

Now, when I started this post I was telling you that I am in need of finding my ground, so here's the hook - I'm here again! History has repeated it's fickle self. Though this time I have a card up my sleeve that will certainly trick the deck. I. Have. Hope. Those are some powerful words.

So, as I fight to hold onto who I am as a person and a writer, struggle to start a new business, face my failing marriage, raise a happy, well-adjusted three year old, I open my heart and soul to you in the hopes that I can maintain that hope. I want to rise like a phoenix above this mess and emerge a rainbow-hued beauty floating gracefully overhead, at peace. Hold me accountable, will ya?

Feel free to join the conversation. Why do you think history repeats itself? Have you ever lived out of your car? Are you another phoenix rising from the ashes?

Until tomorrow, I hope to remain Unstoppable.

The Unstoppable Blog

Welcome to the new and improved Unstoppable Blog!

I heard recently that it is better to be whole than to be good. That one dwells with the Divine by embracing his or her nature. Do you believe that to be true? If so, I hope you will "Follow Me" this year as I journey down my path and Emerge Unstoppable in 2011.

If you want the back-story, please read my profile. Today is the first day of my new life, not a day to dwell on the past. Good-bye old me. Hello world!

I'll bet your wondering what's so special about this blog. Well, not much up until now, except that it is written by me. Ha! Kidding. My older posts are still available if you are interested in knowing more about my spirit, my writing, and who you are reading. But, looking ahead, I promise to bring you entertaining content, wisdom as I know it, and tips to make the journey of becoming a new writer your own.

Here's the plan:
Every Monday is Malleable Monday. That means I am giving you permission to take what is usually the worst day of the week and make it what you want it to be - bend it, shape it, make it your happy day. My Malleable Monday posts will focus on the ABCs for New Writers. In other words: Inspiration, Direction, Motivation. At lease, until we get to "Z".

Wednesdays are Wisdom Wednesdays. This is where we will share with each other little bits of wisdom we have gained as individuals.

And finally, Truth or Fiction Thursdays. Each Thursday I will share a short with you that is so incredible, so unbelievable, that you will have to ask yourself - Is it truth or is it fiction? Then hopefully, you'll share your answer with the group.

As for today and the re-launch of the Unstoppable Blog, I would like to gain 25 followers. How do you follow? Just click on the Follow button at the top of the page and follow the directions. (Lots of following to be done!) If you "Follow Me" today, midnight February 28, 2011 to midnight, March 1, 2011 (EST) your name will be entered into a drawing to win the Unstoppable T-shirt (or another Unstoppable product of your choosing). It's a cool shirt and it will get you started on your journey to Emerging Unstoppable in 2011!

Until Wednesday, I remain,
Unstoppable

New Hope, New Year, New You

New hope, New Year, new you! This is the 2011 credo emblazoned on the signage for the Scott Boulevard Baptist Church just up the street from my home. Driving home on Friday after picking up my daughter from school, I noticed this sign, as I often do, and the words so carefully placed for passersby to take note. And, as they rarely albeit unfortunately do, these words spoke volumes to me.

I never thought 2011, the changing of the year, or of the decade, would bring such dramatic transformation to my life. And when that change came at lightning speed, without so much as a quick alarm, I never thought that the possibility of hope could exist. But, here I am on January 10, 2011 with five inches of snow on the ground, a gift from the God of my understanding that brings with it a wash of frigidity to clean my slate again, only a couple of short weeks since it was washed before.

With the New Year I find myself a single mom without a job in a house with a mortgage and hope comes in the form of friends and loved ones with food, wine and good cheer to celebrate Christmas and ring in the New Year, a job interview (already) that, unnervingly enough, was quick and went particularly well, and a transition that has, despite the pain of it all, been pretty smooth.

So, now on January 10, 2011, what's next in this new year, new decade, for the new me in this new world? Some might think life to be bleak, dreary without the commitment to carry on a life together as husband and wife, but not me. Though I do miss the companionship that comes with that shared commitment, the joy in good times and bad, the steadfast love, I know that I will be okay. Alone is not a word I am afraid of because, quite frankly, I'm not. Remember those friends and loved ones, well, we've had more laughs, dinners, time together than normal and truthfully it's been a lot of fun.

My husband might be critical of the way I look at life because most don't choose to take such a view, but the people I love and choose to surround myself with do. They constantly fill my head with the hope of a new year and a new me and for that I am truly grateful.

Happy New Year to you who have taken a moment to read this. Join me in this journey of change and growth in 2011. May you experience the same blessings I have.

Until next time, I remain Unstoppable.